Guess what!  My boy is pretty much potty trained!  He turned 3 on June 1st, and was nowhere near being called trained, it's now July 18th, and he has one accident a day,  at his nap time.  He's so funny.  He gets SO excited.  I've said, "Aidan! I'm so proud of you!" so many times, that now all I have to say is, "Mommy's so...." and he'll yell "pwowyeeeeeeeeeeew!"  So cute!  I am so in love with that kid, with all of them! And I'm so, so grateful to have each of them. 

He can also swim.  I'm not real sure what he'd do without his arm floaties, but with them on, he'll put his face down in the water and kick and paddle all the way across the pool.  We "race" a lot.  I let him win a lot, but occasionally I have him lose.  I can't raise a kid who thinks he's too good to lose occasionally.  But, even when he "loses", I brag on him and tell him how great he's doing.  He has absolutely no fear of the water, which creates a million and one fears in mommy.  I'm constantly worried about him finding a way out back without us and getting in. I am so vigilant.  We have had approximately 2,293 talks about how we only go in the pool when Mommy or Daddy, or Mammy can get in, too. 

The child is all boy.  Rough and tumble is a good phrase to describe him.  He loves dirt, bugs, watering the flowers, playing ball, playing trucks, and just RUNNING.  Man, he's cute. 

The potty training has been an ongoing process since about this time last summer.  For the last year, he has successfully stayed dry any time we went out in public.  Restaurants, stores, you name it, he would stay dry and ask for the potty.  But, at home, he had absolutely no interest in it.  Harrumph. So one day I decided to put underwear on him and make a HUGE deal about big boys and underwear.  It only took a couple days of consistent underwear use, and he hsn't had an awake accident in weeks.  This was the summer I had intended to potty train both him and his brother.  Back when I was pregnant with Landon, and getting all the negative comments about having 2 so close together, 2 in diapers, 2 babies, blah blah blah. Back before my world crashed.

In my mind, I had decided that I'd leave Aidan alone until the summer he turned 3 and Landon turned 2.  I'd just do it together, make it a contest, make it fun, and get it all overwith at once.  My plan halfway worked.  OH, how I wish I had 2 sticker charts on my wall, and 2 sets of Buzz Lightyear underwear, and 2 little boys yelling those words that parents both love and dread to hear  "I'm Dooooooooone!"   But, rather than drown in what I've lost, I want to rejoice in being able to have all that with Aidan. 

I have decided something.  I'm going to live.  I am going to celebrate the weeks I had Landon, celebrate the love I feel for him, but not drown in that sadness.  I don't think that's what my boy, my family, or God wants for me.  I think I'm meant to go on, and try to be an inspiration, no matter how small, to others who have experienced the nightmare of losing a child.  I want to help others. I want to use my loss, and all I learned from it, to comfort and encourage other women.  I pray that I am always able to find, if not the perfect, then good, words to offer bereaved mommies. 

Online, it's so easy to offer encouragement.  In person, sometimes it's harder.  I pray that I can get past that. 

God has been so good to me.  I have given birth to four of the most beautiful children ever.  I still have 3 of them.  The missing one, is perfect and whole in ways he never would have been here. 

My girls are so amazing.  So beautiful.  So sweet.  And they've been so healing for me.  They don't take Landon's place, nor make up for losing him, but they heal my heart every day.  I love them just as much as I love Landon, it's just in a different way. I love them as much as I love Aidan, but again, in a different way.  I love newborns, love that stage, but I have a confession.  This 3 month old stage, where they're smiling and giggling and cooing, and discovering hands, and interacting with me... I'm falling in love with both of them all over again, every single day.

I enjoyed all of this with Aidan, but I sort of took it for granted. Birth accidents, babies dying.. that only happens to "other people."  Well, I'm now that "other people."  And I know first hand how fast life can change, and I take nothing for granted any more, and I'm sure to be thankful for what I've got, and to show my thankfulness in any way I can.

I'm going to give a preview of what's going around in my head for a couple different entries.  The first one I have on my mind and in my heart will be a "just because" entry.  As in, "Just because my baby's dead...."  "Just because I've had more babies, ....."  "Just because it has been two years..."   and the other one is from the perspective of a parent of twins.  That one should be pretty entertaining.  We are sideshow freaks right now.  You'll see, I'll be as bluntly honest as I can be, describing our outings.  We laugh so hard sometimes, from the things that people say to us.

Wanna see some newer pics of the kids?  I'm always up for sharing.  I'm so proud of my babies, and I love them more than I love myself.


Rebekah on the left, Gracie on the right.  Rebekah has a lock of hair on each side of her head that sticks straight out, regardless of what I do to it. I've even rubbed a bit of baby lotion on it, and it won't lay down.  Thank God their Mammy (My mom) is a beautician!!



She wore a dress with cherries on it....


Gracie

Bekah

Mr. Cool