After the Storm

Do you know what a "Rainbow Baby" is?  If you, or someone close to you, has never lost a baby, then chances are you don't.  NO, it has nothing to do with 2 mommies or 2 daddies or any of that.  Some rainbow babies DO have 2 moms or dads, I'm sure, but that's not how they got their title.

A rainbow baby is a child conceived and born after the parents have experienced the loss of a baby, whether by miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.  Sucky way to get a cool title, if you ask me.  Losing a child is, most likely, the worst sort of storm that parents will ever face.  I know I can't imagine anything any worse.

Remember in the Bible, after  God destroyed the earth by flood, he showed Noah the rainbow, as his covenant that he would never destroy the Earth with water again? A Rainbow is sort of like that reward. He or she is the parents' Rainbow after the storm. 

Just as God's rainbow for Noah didn't change the destruction brought by the flood, a rainbow baby will NEVER remove the devastation that came from losing their baby.  Nothing in the world can remove that.  But, a rainbow certainly can bring contentment and happiness, a sense of calm and hope, after a flood of sadness and despair.

I know all about losing a child.  Unfortuntately, I belong to what a cyber friend of mine refers to as the "Dead Baby Club."  I'm an angel mommy.  My second son, Landon, was born with little to no brain function and lived, by my decision, on life support for 14 days and 10 hours, until he grew wings and went to Heaven.    He was not a preemie, he was born 9 days before his due date.  He was born June 22, 2009,  died July 6th, buried July 9th.  I still miss him tremendously.

I mention Landon was my second son.  My first, Aidan, is fantastic.  I know I'm pretty partial to him,  but, goodness, he's perfect.  I never knew true, unconditional, I'd die for someone else, love, until he came into my world, screaming and squalling.  He was, and still is, one of the 2 most beautiful things I've ever seen.  Landon was awfully beautiful, too. 

Aidan will be 3 in June, Landon should have been turning 2 in June.  They were born 12 months and exactly 3 weeks apart.  Both of my babies were very much wanted, appreciated, prayed for, loved. 

Here I sit, twenty months after my own personal storm began, just a matter of weeks away from meeting my rainbows.  Plural.  Two.  I'm carrying my own Rainbow twins.  Two little girls, Rebekah Maxine and Grace Nichole.  Bekah and Gracie.  Fine names for a couple of rainbows, I believe. I'm due April 30th.  That's 9 weeks, 63 days from now.  They'll be born at least 10 days early, so sometime within the next 53 days!!!  I'm scared to death. I'm more than halfway afraid to believe that it's real.  I guess once they're here and nobody's sleeping any more, then I'll truly believe it. 

My goal has been to get Landon's story told before I have another baby.  Even before I found out these girls were on their way. I've put it off and put it off.  Now, we're in the final countdown.  I have to get a move on.  I hope to get our story told between now and the girls' birthday.

I do realize, that I told the ending before I've told the beginning.  My next entry will start at my own beginning and I will work forward from there. 

This may not always go absolutely in order, but it will always be 100% true, my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and observations. 

If you, as a reader, decide that my story is worth following, I thank you.