The night before my c-section, we went to eat my "Last Supper." My mom, brother, sister-in-law, their 2 kids, Larry, me and Aidan all went to Lone Star. I was WADDLING! I'm glad I ate so well, because I didn't get any more solid food til Thursday Afternoon (that was Tuesday night!)
We came back home, my Mom spent the night with us, to be here with Aidan the next morning while we were getting ready. It was our last night as a family of three. Even saying that sounds wrong, we should have been a family of four, soon to be six. Landon, and what happened to him, was heavy on my mind and in my heart as I drifted off to sleep. There were many prayers, not just that night, but the entire time I was pregnant. Believe it or not, I slept really well that night. I figured I would be up all night, worrying, but I did great.
I got up the next morning, got ready, even put on make up!! We had to be there at 10:15, surgery at 12:15. I was ok til I got there. Then the nerves kicked in.
If you have read previous entries, do you remember where I mentioned Jenny, the nurse who delivered Aidan? I forgot to mention in Landon's story, she was also with me for his delivery, and came to his funeral. How amazing, and fitting, is it, that she was with me for this delivery? She was also with my sister-in-law for my niece's birth! She has been a part of so many happy and sad times, and I thank God for putting her in our path. Anyway, with her being my nurse, that helped my nerves somewhat, she KNEW what I had been through, and knew I would be terrified.
At around 12:20, I was pushed into the OR and given a spinal. I didn't like it too much at first. But, I knew it was that, or be asleep when my babies were born. The doctor had already made the incision when Larry was brought in. It was the same room where Landon was born. I was asleep for that, but Larry had to be brought in there, to see our baby being given CPR. I know that it was very hard on him to be back in that room again. It was hard for me, too, although the only memory of that room I have is of praying with Dr. Patel before I was put to sleep.
So, if you're still with me, I know you're wanting to know the details of my babies! Rebekah was born first, and she cried immediately, which was the best thing in the world, but her little cry was so very weak. My doctor held her up for just an instant for me to see and then passed her off. I remember him saying, "I don't think she realizes she's been born yet." Then Gracie came into my world, screaming her head off. Her scream was as different from her sisters as apples and oranges.
While the doctor worked on putting me back together, Larry went over to where the babies were being checked out. Rebekah was in bad shape, not breathing right. Thank GOD I didn't realize it at the time. That would have been the end of me, I'm sure. Larry did come over and tell me that the babies might have to go to special care nursery for a bit, because of Bekah's breathing. The next thing I heard was the neonatologist saying that all was fine, and if their sugars were fine, they could stay with me. After it was all said and done, I found out that Bekah had fluid in her lungs, but once she was suctioned, she was fine. Gracie was fine from the get-go. Bekah weighed 4lbs, 13oz, and Gracie was 5lb10oz. Much bigger difference in their weight than we had anticipated.
Both little girls are beautiful, heads full of black hair, big blue eyes. That's where their similarities stop, though. Bekah is the very image of Larry and Aidan. She looks so much like my boy as a newborn!! Gracie favors me, but looks SO much like Landon. So much so, it takes my breath.
My little Gracie
Landon
The girls are over a month old now, and both are about 7 and 1/2 lbs or so. They've done great. Neither needed any special nursery time, and both got to come home with me!!! Thank you, God!
Having my girls has been fantastic, wonderful, amazing, and healing. However, it has also awaken my grief to a degree. Not anything terrible or anything, but all these little Mommy things I have the priviledge of doing with my girls, I never got to, or if I did, I never will again get to, do them with Landon. I am so very thankful that I get this chance with Bekah and Gracie, I just wish I had Landon here with us.
If Landon had lived, I would have 4 kiddoes under the age of three!! Wow!
Aidan is crazy over the babies. He loves them so much. Sometimes I'm afraid it's too much. If I had a dime for every time I say, "EASY!" I would be a wealthy woman.
I'm a happy woman. I'll always miss my littlest boy, but I think he'd be OK with me being happy. I love him so much, and I love Aidan, Bekah and Gracie so much, and I'm so in love with Larry. It's a good life. I am blessed.
Bekah
Gracie
My double Rainbow
My whole World
Oh my goodness Lori!! I want to just "borrow" them for a day.
ReplyDeleteGORGEOUS!!!!!